You know, it’s funny, when I thought about writing a blog on the topic of ‘relaxation’, inside myself I felt this resistance as I thought, “Ugh, what do I really actually know about relaxation?!” Basically thinking that, I’m no guru or spiritually enlightened shaman who has found the ultimate secret to being able to relax. I’m just a person, like everybody else, so “what do I really have to share that is worth sharing on this topic?!”
And then I realized that actually yes, there is one ‘secret’ to being able to relax that I have found. And that secret is ‘the art of being flawed’ lol. Of letting go of expectations and idealistic images and pictures and whatever ‘standards’ I’m measuring myself up against and accepting that, whatever it is that I am ‘trying’, ‘attempting’, ‘wanting’ or ‘expecting myself’ to be, it simply ISN’T me.
And it may feel like a ‘let down’ to come to grips with the fact that for instance I am not an enlightened super-being who has it all figured out, and that I don’t have the perfect words to say and I’m just not ‘all that’. BUT at the same time, it’s a LOAD OFF lol. To feel like I don’t have to live up to those expectations anymore. That I can be ‘flawed’.
That I can RELAX and just be who I am, without pretending, and without the constant ‘trying’.
It wasn’t until I allowed myself to be ‘flawed’, that I realized just how much pressure and stress I was placing on myself to ‘perform’ and to try to be ‘perfect’, whatever that means. And how little I was allowing myself space to just ‘be’. And yes, maybe that means not being certain and confident about everything. Maybe it means feeling like a little kid who is still learning how to express themselves and who doesn’t necessarily ‘know’ what’s right from wrong and good from bad.
I mean, do you know how rare and special it is in this world to have that green light to unconditionally be who you are? It feels like everything about living and growing up in this reality is about being something that isn’t who you simply are. To be an ‘adult’, to be a ‘parent’, to be a ‘woman’ or a ‘man’, and everything under the sun, you name it. It all has that ‘signature’ to it that it’s something you need to ‘live up to’. At least for me it always did lol. In all honesty it’s always felt daunting to me, the idea that I have to be an ‘adult’ or a ‘woman’ or a ‘wife’ or right now a SELF Coach, as well as all the above. Not to mention extremely stressful to try and be all these things when it feels as though I’m having to go against who I actually am – being more ‘flawed’.
I suppose it’s been like this for me because when I was younger I experienced a certain ‘pressure’ to ‘perform’. Where my overall experience was that ‘I cannot just be me’. There seemed to be all these expectations and everything was like a competition to ‘prove’ myself, and I certainly did not feel like I could relax. So I’ve ‘developed’ this experience further in my life to perceive essentially everything about ‘life’ and ‘living’ in this world as a ‘competition’ – an expectation for me to perform and prove that ‘I can do it’.
So it’s been quite a revelation for me to say to myself, “Hey, it’s OK to just be you. You don’t need to be ‘perfect’ and you don’t need to try and pretend to be anything other than who you simply are.” To just sort of ‘admit’ to myself that ‘I am flawed’. And that, even though I may want to be perfect and have it all figured out, and I may believe that that’s ‘who/how I SHOULD BE’, I gotta be honest with myself about who and how I REALLY am.
So go ahead. It’s OK. You’re not perfect. And you’re not that ideal picture perfect image, and you’re not living up to the things that you believe are more important than being who you are. It’s OK. I won’t tell lol. Even if it’s just for this moment, you can relax. And pretend that this world is a world wherein you don’t need to be anything or live up to anything or pretend or try in any way whatsoever. A world wherein the real you is celebrated and embraced.