I was asked to share the story behind Space of Grace, my story, why I started it.
There are many ways I can answer that question – one being simply: well, why not? Creating a place where practitioners can provide holistic support and do it online, bridging the limitations of physical distance so anyone can benefit from things that are not always readily available, yet that are more and more being sought after… Honestly, the amount of times I have made the suggestion to someone that homeopathy may be a good fit for the point they’re struggling with, to then receive the answer ‘there is no homeopath near where I live…’ – that alone is reason enough.
But more deeply, more personally – it’s a point of giving back, a point of giving as I have received, because I was given a space of grace. I had the fortune of entering and living in an environment and a community of absolute support, one that both challenged and gently opened up my awareness to the possibilities that exist – exposing the way I had been limiting myself unintentionally for most of my life.
It would be revealed in little things, like being asked if I wanted to help with tiling a bathroom – and then asking myself why on Earth I never considered doing anything with my hands professionally, seeing that I enjoyed it so much? When, where and how did I become so biased to not even consider this a possibility? Because I have the capacity for academics? Because it’s better to get a higher education than develop a physical skill? How, when, why? We don’t realize how often we are blinded to possibilities, breaking our heads over which of two paths to take, not realizing that aside from options A and B, options C to Z are also very much here, but simply overlooked, not recognized, not considered.
It was shown to me that if I wanted to develop a skill, if I wanted to explore something, I could go for it – there was nothing and no one really stopping me, but myself. Not only was no one trying to stop me, I could actually ask for support. The amount of times we try to go things alone, because we believe that if we accept support it somehow diminishes our personal accomplishment, it somehow disempowers or undermines us… it’s astounding. Nothing in this world is really done alone – there is no part of living on this planet that can be done in isolation, yet we’re somehow dead-set on figuring things out all by ourselves, inside our own minds, the very things that are riddled with personal bias and blindspots. Yes, absolutely, try first – consult with yourself first – but please don’t stubbornly condemn yourself to failure and limitation by not welcoming and accepting support. Your efforts, your progress, your creation are all still valid if you don’t choose the hardest path, but opt to make things easier on yourself by accepting the support of others on your journey.
Within and behind all this, what perhaps came through most strongly is that I had never really asked myself: What would be best for me? When making decisions about what to do or not to do, about what path to take or not to take, I would consider what others thought, I would consider ‘what was considered to be best’, I would consider what seemed manageable, do-able, easy, what I already knew how to do, what was ‘safe’, but I didn’t really consider what would be BEST for me. Even the word ‘best’ was a major blindspot for me, a word I associated with ‘trying to be THE best’, competing with others, winning, out-besting others. On the other hand, within asking ‘what is best’, I would assume there to be universal answers – that “in this and that situation, what is best is X, and X is best for any person in that same situation”, and it was up to me to figure out the formula to determine what X would be in each new scenario, of course not ever including myself in those equations.
No matter how much I’d like to take credit for all the personal changes I’ve made in myself and my life, internally and externally, if it hadn’t been for that support from the environment and the people in it, I would not be who I am today, I would not be where I am today, I would not have made the decisions I have made. I would have relied on the familiar, the paths previously trodden or the paths others most commonly take – trust in that, just go with that. Where would it have led me? I’d probably be alive, I don’t think it would have led to my death or something to that effect, but how I’d be living that life would be totally different. Compromise would be everywhere. I’d probably live for and through others, yet blame them for it at the same time, be bitter, always on the edge of anger, but over time that too would have been numbed out, probably with the help of a few addictive substances, and I’d kind of ‘live my life’ by going through the motions, but not really having any spark left in me, not recognizing myself anymore in the mirror, in my relationships, in my self-experience – and I’d wonder ‘Where did I go wrong? How did I end up here? What happened to me?’.
That is the path of compromise – it’s not ONE ‘bad decision’ that changes everything, it’s a slippery slope, a gradual giving up and chipping away at yourself, where over time the consideration of what is best for you doesn’t even come up anymore in any way whatsoever, if it ever did.
So, what is a space of grace? I’ve never been in a sensory deprivation chamber – but I imagine it is similar to this. A space where distractions fall away, where long-held beliefs loosen their grip, where shouts of should and should not are dimmed, where the pressure and stress of timetables don’t exist and the focus comes to gracefully rest on us, on our breathing, our minds, our being, our body and we give ourselves permission to notice our own presence and start a much needed conversation: hey, how are you doing?
It is a space where, despite our past, despite our mistakes, despite external forces and demands, despite having previously given up or never having given ourselves a chance, despite the worst of ourselves, our past and this world, we are both held and encouraged to facilitate a process of healing, of transformation, of change – to support and bring out the best in us and for us.
That is my why.
Because there is so much more.
So much more to ourselves, so much more to our own bodies, so much more to this life, this existence.
When we can reach for that more within and for ourselves, with the support of those who have dedicated their lives to this very purpose.
When we can find out and honor: What is actually best for me?
You’ll find that you are quite aware of the things and ‘places’ within yourself, your body, your life where you compromise, where you’ve given up in a way, where you look the other way or hope it will sort itself out, or where you’ve come to believe that there’s no resolving, no changing it, where you’ve started the path of ‘just living with it’. I invite you to awaken that spark within you, that part of you that knows this is not best for you, that part of you that is not ‘done’ yet. And I invite you to reach out, send us a message, let us know what the things are that you’ve quietly been struggling with and our team will get back to you with options and possibilities.
Thank you for reading and perhaps, see you soon.