Did you know anxiety has a ‘color’? In fact it’s this one. This dark brown/purple one. The following is my color reading for ‘anxiety’. Perhaps a good time to leave everything you know about what anxiety is at the door, cause it’s about to get real.
Anxiety affects mostly our relationship with ourselves. When you go into anxiety, you sort of forget all about yourself, as you’re completely preoccupied with the anxiety. It’s like you disappear and all that is left, is anxiety. As if who you are and all that you are is literally just this experience of anxiety. And it just drowns you out, until there’s nothing of you left. And it’s interesting, if you have a look at how you experience yourself when you are going through it, you feel almost as though you’re busy drowning. As though you’re being swallowed up by something that is much bigger than you. And you feel like there’s no way out.
No matter how hard you try or what you do, it’s got you by the balls, whatever it is. That’s why, anxiety is a very ‘enslaving’ experience. Makes you feel like a slave. Makes you feel small, disempowered, powerless, helpless, insignificant and unable to do anything. Like your existence is meaningless. And, it makes you want to give up. It makes you want to give up on yourself, interestingly enough. Cause it just makes you feel so useless. Makes you question and ask yourself, ‘what am I even doing here?’ ‘Why am I even here, if I can’t even get over this experience? If this is the extent of my strength and capability. This is just pathetic.’
Yeah, it makes you feel ‘pathetic’. Have a look. That’s what anxiety really does to you. Makes you feel like giving up on yourself on some deep level inside. And that’s the reality of anxiety that nobody ever talks about. Cause it happens on such an intimate level. In your relationship with yourself. In that space where you deliberate on your opinion of yourself. Your ‘self-esteem’. It’s a space that you never share with others and where it’s only you with yourself.
So imagine on that deep, intimate level, giving up on yourself. Turning your back on yourself cause you’ve decided that you are ‘just not good enough’. In that relationship with yourself, which is supposed to be something extremely personal and intimate and nurturing, you want to be supportive. Honor yourself. Be there for yourself. Recognize your strength rather than beat up on your weakness.
You are a big, strong being, with lots of ambition, capability and potential. There’s no limit to your strength! You are a GREEK GOD lol. Or GODDESS, of course. You have all the power in the world! And that’s something you need to recognize.
So can you forgive yourself? And stop this madness? If that feels too daunting for you now, it’s Ok, there’s time. Time to find your way back to yourself, develop the ‘forgiveness’ within you, so that one day, you can stand in front of yourself and say ‘I forgive you’.